Stumbleine by Chrissy Bennett Disclaimer: I don’t own Jonny or Jessie or The Smashing Pumpkins. I do own Cassandra and Ellyn. Archivers: sure Rating: A Warning: Profanity "she’s got her reasons, got my forgets " "Dammit!" she screamed. Cassandra Jameson slammed the off button on her CD player and wailed: "Why did she have to die?" The shrill ring of the telephone caused her to jerk up. "Hello?" "Hey, Cassi." A quiet, female voice, weak from crying, answered. "Jessie!" Cassandra managed through sobs. "You heard." "Yeah." "At least you weren’t there." "I know, Jess, but you can’t blame yourself." Jessie suddenly sobbed uncontrollably. When she calmed down enough to speak, she moaned: "Yes I can. I could’ve ::sob:: gotten the gun. ::sob:: I could have ::sob:: stopped it." "Jessie, I’m sorry, I have to go. Mom needs to use the phone." "Yeah." Click… click… beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. Jessie listened to the monotonous tones and then threw the phone across the room. It broke in half against her desk. "Why did you do it, Ellyn? Why did you shoot yourself? Why, why?" By now, Jonny had entered the room. "It’s okay, Jess. It’ll be all right." A single tear ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away and held the sobbing girl in his arms. Soon, he too, was weeping. *get ahold of yourself, Bannon. What is it you usually do?* in a few seconds, she reluctantly pulled away from Jonny’s strong, comforting arms. She selected the saddest CD in her rack: the Smashing Pumpkins: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Jonny recognized the melancholy opening notes of Stumbleine, and remained silent, tears running down his cheek. He and Jessie sat on the edge of her bed, its softness in direct contrast to their anguish. Billy Courgan’s voice came through the speakers as Jessie stopped moaning. boredom’s in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth sally’s in the stirrups claiming her destiny and nobody nowhere understands anything about me and all my dreams lost at sea jack it up judy sets your heart alight mayfair mistress of the satellites misspent youth—faking up a rampage to hold off the real slaves paid of and staid and what you never knew can never get to you so fake it i’ll be your stumbleine i’ll be your super queen and make you jukebox fuckup hanging round the drugstore no matter what you say he’ll be back for more mommy’s in the manger with the little kids she’s got her reasons, got my forgets or tears and idle threats misplaced and no matter what they do they can’t do so fake it i’ll be your stumbleine i’ll be you super queen and make you me come around ruby, i can never sleep alone. When the song ended, Jessie told Jonny exactly what had happened three hours earlier. It had been 12:34, and Jessie would forever remember that time as fatal. "I was in algebra. Suddenly I heard Mrs. Miller scream ‘OH GOD!’ Did you hear her? What am I saying, you were in Mr. Epps’s room. Anyway, by now, all the kids were screaming too, so I bolted to the library." Her voice caught in her throat and it was awhile before she continued. "Ellyn was there, with a gun to her head. Only Mrs. Miller was in the room; but she had fainted. By now, half the school was behind me in the hall. I told everyone to leave and let me handle it. I guess we’re kinda legends, so they left." She stopped and cleared her throat. "I talked to her forever. She was lowering the gun, when she said ‘No, Jess. I’m just such a burden to everyone. My parents split up because of me. Cassi and Bobby are fighting cuz of me. And Hadji thinks you hate him… cuz of me. It’s better this way.’ And she pulled the trigger." Jessie sobbed once, then twice, and Jonny enfolded her and they bewailed their grief together. "She was a good person. She just made the ultimate mistake." The preacher concluded. Jessie wiped away the tears that stung at her eyes, threatening to gush down her cheeks at any second. She and Jonny got up and walked slowly to the sarcophagus that would hold their friend until eternity. They each placed a pure white rose on the stone gray casket and Jessie fell into his arms, sobbing. Ellyn’s mother had went out and got drunk when she heard of her daughter’s untimely death. She had crashed into her ex-husband’s car at ninety-five miles an hour. The two were killed in the raging flames resulting from the crash. The funeral had been held at the school, for Ellyn was well loved. All the student body attended. It was a closed casket funeral. The casket was lowered into the ground. Jessie turned her head to the rising sun and her long red hair flew behind her face like a scarlet flag. The wind stung at her tear filed eyes and blew away those that streaked down her face. She turned to the headstone of one of her best friends. Ellyn Kimeena 1983 - 1997 "And I know eventually we’ll be together, One Sweet Day…" (c) Christina Bennett