Stumbleine
by Chrissy Bennett
Disclaimer:     I don’t own Jonny or Jessie or The Smashing Pumpkins.  I 
        do own Cassandra and Ellyn.
Archivers:      sure
Rating: A
Warning:        Profanity

"she’s got her reasons, got my forgets "

"Dammit!" she screamed.  Cassandra Jameson slammed the off button 
on her CD player and wailed:  "Why did she have to die?"  The shrill 
ring of the telephone caused her to jerk up.  "Hello?"

"Hey, Cassi." A quiet, female voice, weak from crying, answered.

 "Jessie!" Cassandra managed through sobs.

"You heard."

"Yeah."

"At least you weren’t there."

"I know, Jess, but you can’t blame yourself." 

Jessie suddenly sobbed uncontrollably. When she calmed down enough 
to speak, she moaned:  "Yes I can.   I could’ve ::sob:: gotten the gun. 
::sob:: I could have ::sob:: stopped it."

"Jessie, I’m sorry, I have to go.  Mom needs to use the phone."

"Yeah."  Click… click… beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.  Jessie 
listened to the monotonous tones and then threw the phone across the 
room.  It broke in half against her desk.  "Why did you do it, Ellyn?  
Why did you shoot yourself?  Why, why?"  

By now, Jonny had entered the room.  "It’s okay, Jess.  It’ll be all 
right."  
A single tear ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away and held 
the sobbing girl in his arms.  Soon, he too, was weeping.

*get ahold of yourself, Bannon.  What is it you usually do?*  in a few 
seconds, she reluctantly pulled away from Jonny’s strong, comforting 
arms.  She selected the saddest CD in her rack:  the Smashing 
Pumpkins: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

Jonny recognized the melancholy opening notes of Stumbleine, and 
remained silent, tears running down his cheek.  He and Jessie sat on the 
edge of her bed, its softness in direct contrast to their anguish.  
Billy 
Courgan’s voice came through the speakers as Jessie stopped moaning.

boredom’s in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth
sally’s in the stirrups claiming her destiny
and nobody nowhere understands anything
about me and all my dreams
lost at sea
jack it up judy sets your heart alight
mayfair mistress of the satellites
misspent youth—faking up a rampage
to hold off the real slaves
paid of and staid
and what you never knew
can never get to you
so fake it
i’ll be your stumbleine
i’ll be your super queen
and make you
jukebox fuckup hanging round the drugstore
no matter what you say he’ll be back for more
mommy’s in the manger with the little kids
she’s got her reasons, got my forgets
or tears and idle threats
misplaced
and no matter what they do
they can’t do
so fake it
i’ll be your stumbleine
i’ll be you super queen 
and make you me
come around ruby, i can never sleep alone.

When the song ended, Jessie told Jonny exactly what had happened 
three hours earlier. It had been 12:34, and Jessie would forever 
remember that time as fatal.

"I was in algebra.  Suddenly I heard Mrs. Miller scream ‘OH GOD!’  Did 
you hear her?  What am I saying, you were in Mr. Epps’s room.  
Anyway, by now, all the kids were screaming too, so I bolted to the 
library."  Her voice caught in her throat and it was awhile before she 
continued.  "Ellyn was there, with a gun to her head.  Only Mrs. Miller 
was in the room; but she had fainted.  By now, half the school was 
behind me in the hall.  I told everyone to leave and let me handle it.  
I 
guess we’re kinda legends, so they left."  She stopped and cleared her 
throat.  "I talked to her forever.  She was lowering the gun, when she 
said ‘No, Jess.  I’m just such a burden to everyone.  My parents split 
up 
because of me. Cassi and Bobby are fighting cuz of me.  And Hadji thinks 
you hate him… cuz of me.  It’s better this way.’ And she pulled the 
trigger."  Jessie sobbed once, then twice, and Jonny enfolded her and 
they bewailed their grief together.  



"She was a good person.  She just made the ultimate mistake."  The 
preacher concluded.  Jessie wiped away the tears that stung at her eyes, 
threatening to gush down her cheeks at any second.  She and Jonny got 
up and walked slowly to the sarcophagus that would hold their friend 
until eternity.  They each placed a pure white rose on the stone gray 
casket and Jessie fell into his arms, sobbing.  Ellyn’s mother had went 
out and got drunk when she heard of her daughter’s untimely death.  
She had crashed into her ex-husband’s car at ninety-five miles an hour. 
 
The two were killed in the raging flames resulting from the crash.  The 
funeral had been held at the school, for Ellyn was well loved.  All the 
student body attended.  It was a closed casket funeral.

The casket was lowered into the ground.  Jessie turned her head to the
rising sun and her long red hair flew behind her face like a scarlet 
flag.  
The wind stung at her tear filed eyes and blew away those that streaked 
down her face.  

She turned to the headstone of one of her best friends.  

Ellyn Kimeena 
1983 - 1997
"And I know eventually we’ll be together, 
One Sweet Day…"

(c) Christina Bennett