author’s note: this fic is a result of my working the ten
pm to three am shift at the desk. it is a product of that
madness. this fic was not meant to offend anyone.
also, this is in no way related to any other fics that
i’ve written. in fact, it’s quite a departure from my
usual writing style.
well, I hope you enjoy it.
see my disclaimer at the bottom of the story.
archivers: let me know first.
category: h
warning: language
*************************************************************************************
Gender Crisis
by Akane-Rei
“Jonny,” said a gruff and commanding voice.
He tossed to the other side of the bed and buried his
head under a pillow.
“Jonny,” said the voice again, more insistent this time
and nearer his head.
He opened one eye and saw Bandit looking at him, sitting
by his head.
“Jonny,” said Bandit.
His eyes widened.
“What a weird dream,” he said.
“This is no dream, Jonny,” said Bandit.
Jonny rubbed his eyes.
“No way,” he said under his breath.
“Jonny, I have something important to tell you,” said
Bandit.
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Jonny shouted, jumping from
his bed and accidentally flinging Bandit aside.
He stared incredulously at his long time pet.
Bandit shook himself and padded over to Jonny.
“Jonny, you have to listen to me,” said Bandit.
“A talking dog,” muttered Jonny. “No way.” Jonny
continued to stare, dumbfounded, at his pet.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that last baked potato,” he
said to himself. “Man, I must be more tired than I
thought.” He shook his head.
“Jonny!!” growled Bandit.
“W-What?!” jumped Jonny.
“Will you please listen to me?!” exclaimed Bandit. “This
is no dream. This is serious.”
Jonny began pounding his head in the wall.
“Wake up, Quest!” he said to himself.
Bandit, frustrated beyond belief, ran up to Jonny and
started gnawing at his ankle.
“Owwwwwwwwwww!” said Jonny, kicking Bandit off his foot.
“Whaddya do that for?”
“Will you shut up?!” shouted Bandit. “Just listen to me,
alright?”
Jonny stared at his pet, not quite trusting his eyes or
his ears.
“Why don’t you sit down?” asked Bandit, softly this time.
Still in a daze over what he is hearing, Jonny sat down
on his bed and stared at Bandit.
“Now Jonny,” said Bandit, “What I’m about to say may be a
little hard to believe --”
“Yeah, like a talking dog isn’t hard enough already,”
muttered Jonny.
Bandit growled, but continued, “But you have a destiny.”
“Wha--”
“Jonny, I have observed you for many years now and have
come to the conclusion that you are indeed the one we’ve
been waiting for. You--” Bandit pauses as he sees Jonny
spacing out. “Jonny!!” he shouted again.
“Wh . .. What?!” said Jonny. “I’m listening, I’m
listening.”
“As I was saying,” said Bandit, “it took me a long time
to discover that you are the one because of your . . .
well, let’s just say you’re not what we expected.”
“What are you talking about?” said Jonny. “What do you
mean I’m the ‘one’?”
Bandit took a deep breath. “Jonny,” he said, “You are
Sailor Moon.”
< insert a dramatic pause >
“And just who, may I ask, is this Sailor Moon?”
questioned Jonny.
“Sailor Moon is the champion of justice, the punisher of
evil doers, the enemy of the Negaverse,” said Bandit.
Jonny’s eyes gleamed.
“I’m a superhero?” he asked.
“Er . . . yes,” said Bandit.
“Hmmmm,” said Jonny. “So this Sailor Moon guy, what
exactly does he do?”
Bandit coughed and cleared his throat. “Ummm . . . well,
Sailor Moon has these special powers . . .”
“Alright!” said Jonny.
“Anyway,” said Bandit, “you get these powers when you
transform into Sailor Moon.”
“Slammin’!” said Jonny. “What’s with the name, though?
I mean, Sailor Moon?”
“Well,” began Bandit, “It’s quite a long story, but
basically, the moon is your ruling heavenly body. You
fight on behalf of the moon.”
“On behalf of the moon?” said Jonny flatly.
Bandit nodded.
Jonny shook his head. “Sailor Moon . . . I don’t suppose
I can change my name?”
Bandit shook his head.
“Oh well,” said Jonny. “So . . . what’s my costume like?”
Bandit gulped. “Well . . . you’re a sailor scout . . .
so your costume has a sailorish style to it.”
“Aww man!” said Jonny. “Don’t tell me I gotta wear those
thingys,” he said gesturing to his front to show what he
meant.
Bandit nodded.
Jonny groaned. “Jessie’s gonna laugh her head off when
she sees that outfit. I’d look like a dork!”
He sighed. “But I’ll still have super powers, right?”
Bandit nodded his head furiously.
“I guess that’s alright then,” said Jonny. “So . . .
when can I transform?”
“In times of great need,” replied Bandit, “you used this
to transform.” Bandit did a little flip and a disc-like
object appeared out of nowhere. Jonny caught it.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Well,” said Bandit, “It’s a . . . ahh . . . ma--”
“It looks like a circular communicator,” interrupted Jonny.
A sigh of relief escaped Bandit. “That’s right,” he
said. “That’s sort of what it is.”
“Hmmm. . .” said Jonny. “Isn’t it a little . . . girlish?”
“Well . . .uhh . . . a super hero is not afraid to show
his feminine side,” said Bandit.
Jonny frowned. “If you say so,” he said, a little
uncertain.
“Anyway,” said Bandit, “What you do is you say ‘Moon
Prism Power!’ and then you transform into Sailor Moon.”
“Cool,” said Jonny. “I’ll try it now.”
“NO!!!!!” yelled Bandit. “I mean . . . transformations
should be taken seriously. You only use them when Sailor
Moon is needed.”
Jonny’s face drooped. “Oh well,” he said.
“Why don’t you go back to sleep?” said Bandit. “You’ll
need all the energy you can get when fighting the
Negaverse, you know.”
Jonny reluctantly agreed and crawled back to bed.
Bandit gave a visible sigh of relief and padded over to
the foot of the bed, trying to figure out a way to reveal
to Jonny everything there is to know about Sailor Moon.
*****************************
Jonny awoke to the sound of commotion. He jumped from
his bed and ran down the hallway to see what was going on.
To his horror, he saw a monster threatening his family
and friends.
“That monster’s from the Negaverse!” screamed Bandit.
“He’s going to drain their energies if you don’t do
something quick!”
“What can I do?” asked Jonny.
“Transform!” shouted Bandit.
“Oh yeah!” said Jonny. He took his ‘communicator’ and
said, “Moon Prism Power!!”
Everyone, including the monster watched the dazzling
array of lights that accompanied the transformation.
Transformation completed, Jonny, aka Sailor Moon, said,
“Halt, Negatrash.”
Jonny paused, wondering at the high pitch sound of his
voice. He shrugged it off and continued, “I am Sailor
Moon, Champion of Justice! On behalf of the moon, I shall
punish you!”
Where the heck did that whole spiel come from? he
thought to himself.
“Little girl,” said the monster, “you have no business
here. Now why don’t you go away?”
Jonny/Sailor Moon, insulted, said, “Hey! Who are you
calling a little girl? Because of that insult, I’ll turn
you to moon dust!” He took his tiara from his head and
hurled it to his opponent while saying the words, “Moon
Tiara Magic!”
The monster was moon dusted.
“Slammin’!” he said. “Hey dad, Jess, Hadji, Race, are
you alright?”
He saw all four of them look at him with gaping mouths.
His dad started blubbering, “M. . .my son . . . what made
him do this . . .?”
Race patted Benton on his back to try to comfort him and
said, “Now, Benton, I’m sure it’s just a stage sh-- he’s
going through. Jonny’s not really going to turn into a .
. .a . . .g . . .g. . .gi .. “
“J . . . J. . .Jonny, my friend,” said Hadji, “Wh-- what
have you done?”
“Jonny?” said Jessie.
“Hey, Jess,” said Jonny/Sailor Moon, “What do you think?”
“What do I think?” asked Jessie incredulously. “Y . . .
You’re a girl!” she blurted out.
“Hey,” said Jonny, “is that any way to treat the guy who
saved your life?”
“That’s just it,” said Jessie. “You’re not a guy. What
the hell happened to you?” she asked still staring at him.
She started pointing at his chest and his overall
appearance.
“Oh I know the sailor outfit is ridiculous,” began Jonny,
“But--”
“NO!” shouted Jessie. “Not that! Are you dense or what?
Jonny, since when have you been a girl?”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” said his dad. “What happened to my
son?! He’s She’s --”
Finally, Jonny took a good look at himself.
“What the--” he said. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” he screamed.
“BANDIT!!!!”
Bandit slowly approached him. “Did I forget to mention
that Sailor Moon is a girl?” he asked timidly, “Why do you
think it took me so long to figure out that you are her?”
“What?!” exclaimed Sailor Moon. He -- rather she -- ran
to her room and looked at himself -- herself -- at the
mirror.
The others followed closely behind.
All was silent. Finally, a giggle broke out.
Sailor Moon glared at Jessie -- the source.
“This is not funny,” he -- she bit out.
“Y . . . You look like you have meatballs on you head,”
she cracked.
Hadji tried . . . he really tried to stifle his laughter,
but Jessie’s hilarity was contagious.
“Oh, my friend,” he gasped. “Perhaps you should warn us
next time you decide to switch genders.” He started to
guffaw.
“Shut up!” shouted Jonny. “I’m a guy! I’maguy, I’maguy,
I’maguy!!!!”
“You could have fooled me,” said Jessie, still laughing
and clutching her side. “You know, Jonny, you gave us
quite a show when you transformed. What I saw . . . well
. . . you’re definitely not a guy.”
Jonny’s face turned red and then he turned to Bandit.
“How do I turn back?” he demanded.
“Y . . .You mean you don’t know?” asked Bandit, a sweat
drop forming in his head.
Jonny tried to reign his temper and failed. “I wouldn’t
have asked if I knew!!”
“Well, you’re supposed to know!” replied Bandit.
“There’s suppose to be a great revelation after your
transformation!”
“Well I don’t know!!”
“Then, we’re in trouble,” said Bandit.
“Oh no,” said Jonny, aghast at the implications of
Bandit’s response. “NO, no, no, no, no, no, NO!”
“Look,” said Bandit, “Let’s not panic. Why don’t you
fiddle with your make up compact -- I mean your
communicator--”
“Make up compact, you say?” said Jonny dangerously.
“What's the matter, Jonny?” asked Jessie, “Need to powder
your nose?”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”
******************************
The next morning.
“Look at the bright side,” said Jessie. “At least you’re
a guy now.”
Jonny glared at her.
“I still wonder, though,” said Hadji. He turned to
Jonny. “How are you going to explain those long pigtails
you have on your head when we get to school?”
Jessie started to giggle. “Yeah, meatball head,” she said.
“Bandit!!” he shouted.
“Hey!!” said Bandit, “Is it my fault if you can’t get
your make-up compact to work properly?”
Jonny glared daggers at Bandit from where he was sitting
while he tugged furiously at the long pigtails in his head.
It was going to be a long school day.
*************************************************************************************
disclaimer: jq:tra belongs to hb. sailor moon was created
by naoko takeuchi. the gender switching was inspired by
rumiko takahashi’s ranma 1/2.
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October 5, 1997
like it? hate it? tell me.
===
Akane-Rei
(c) Akane-Rei 1998